There are times when I look in the mirror before I head out for the day and think of myself as some sort of rebel, like I’m going against some corrupt system. I hate that feeling. It’s fake and created by the system that I’m not trying to even fight.
A quick search of any right wing media sites will pull up hundreds or even thousands of articles about being transgender. The stories paint us as a threat to women’s sports, god, reality, America, comedy, etc. You name it and someone with gender identity disorder is a threat to it. The comments from readers are always the same; talks of mental illness, about needing religion, about being freaks or abominations. People will tell the same “I identify as (xxxxx)” also known as the one joke.
I try not to read these things too often because I value my mental health. When I first came out I absorbed all the media that I could and most of it was very negative. It’s very weird seeing so much said about you and your life from strangers without actually being famous or even infamous. I had done nothing of note. I wasn’t even working a stable job. Yet I would sometimes come across fox news or other tv channels hosting “discussions” about trans people with no actual trans people present. This became something I would see more and more of. Just people talking about how best to serve the trans population without any input from said population.
There were many days when I had felt like an entire society was against me, which wasn’t true, or that maybe I was everything these people said I was (I’m not).
You haven’t lived until you’ve seen presidential candidates debate on where you should use the restroom.
Society isn’t built for people with gender dysphoria just like it isn’t built for people who are intersex because society was built without us. We were there but pushed to the margins.
Now, as marriage equality has been finally made legal, the people that scare up votes by pushing fear of the other onto the American public needed a new target. Conservatives shifted from going after gays and lesbians to a full on media blitz against the transgender community.
It’s exhausting thinking of myself as someone who has drawn the ire of a political party that over 60 million people voted for in the 2016 general election. It’s tiring thinking of myself as being on the edge of society. It’s demoralizing to think that my inclusion in society hinges on social acceptance instead of being self evident.
I’m a very soft personality. I cry at movies and tv shows sometimes. I transitioned because I was really unhealthy and couldn’t feel comfortable in my own skin. In this current political climate though I guess wanting to be healthy is enough to be rebellious.